BeepBeep…BeepBeep, YEAH!

So I don’t know how many of you have actually headed on over to the page where I talk about myself for 3 paragraphs (see that page HERE), but I promised, at the birth of this blog, to provide you with a HOW TO guide on getting out of parking tickets, so…I figured, today is as good a-day as any, right?

BUT FIRST.

Here’s the quick low down on my personal history with parking tickets:

*NOTE: not my car…thank GOD.

I go to a large public university with around 20,000 students. This means a few things. But it mostly means that you can either 1.) file chapter 11 because you decided to get a purple pass. B.)  park illegally, or 3.) play the meter game. As of late, I’ve tried the latter. Recently they opened up a new 2 hr lot right next to my office, so on the days where I have a 6 hour shift, I park there, go out every 2 hours and feed the meter. BUT SOMETIMES I get SO involved in my work here (because it is SO important and SO engaging), I forget about the meter until it’s well over the 2 hr time limit. This leads to me SPRINTING to my car, flailing my arms (picture THIS) and promptly begging the parking services guy to not ticket me. Lucky for me, my charm and good-looks prove to be helpful in these situations (right). Also, I may or may not have left a note along side a dollar bill to the tune of:

“dear parking services: i have no quarters, but here’s a dollar. please don’t ticket me. warmest regards, Rachel”.

But that’s besides the point.

I’m pretty sure we have all been at the mercy of the parking services Gods, begging them, PLEADING with them not to ticket our 1996 Chevy Malibu with only 2 hub-caps. Not saying I have….just saying. AND following THIS gem, presented to be my the lovely CAROLINE, I decided to give my own advice on HOW TO get out of parking tickets…the right way.

• Be Nice. Listen, if you think anyone in their right MINDS enjoys getting paid minimum wage to check receipts on dashboards, you are mistaken. So naturally, they’re going to take out their anger out on your car, whose receipt is showing an expiration of 2 and half minutes ago. Shame. On. You. If you find yourself at the mercy of the parking services guy, be nice, be polite. Explain your situation, and promptly feed the meter. Also, encouraging them to “have a good day” miiight not hurt.
• No Cash? Leave a note. I always have a pen and paper handy in my car, which also allows me to leave notes when I’m straight out of quarters. I’m not saying this is a sure-fire way to get out of a ticket…I’m just saying it can’t hurt.
• Move with a sense of urgency. Last week I found the parking services guy AT MY CAR as I was going to feed the meter that was already 45 minutes expired, SO NATURALLY I ran like Usain Bolt circa the 2009 Olympics to catch him before he issued me a citation. ANND, it worked. I apologized (more on that soon) and showed him my money and then proceeded to beg him not to ticket me. it.worked! But maybe it was because I was out of breath and he was more worried about my ability to breathe than giving me a ticket…oh well.
• Leave the change you DO have. So maybe you don’t have 2 quarters but you actually do have 50 cents…in say…pennies. Maybe leaving these on the hood of your car with a note will work. Again, not saying i’ve done it…just.saying.
• APPEAL IT. If you’re college is like mine, where they use the money to GIVE OUT A PARKING SERVICES SCHOLARSHIP (God, I wish I was kidding), it enrages me even more when I get a citation. So appeal it! Excuses I’ve used in the past include, but are not limited to: I had an emergency, I had my hazards on, it was only for a minute, I was at Health Services, I didn’t see the sign. Also, not to digress but I find it absolutely appalling that my school issues me a citation to give some other kid who is probably in less debt than I AM a stupid scholarship for their achievements in turf grass management. I don’t buy it. So, don’t buy it. Appeal it! Also, I’m from the school of thought that thinks that going through all that trouble makes them not even want to bother, there in lifting the charges.
• Don’t get caught TOO often. If you’re a repeat offender (like, every week) I don’t feel sorry for you. In fact, if you’re that stupid you SHOULD get a parking ticket. Be smart, be sneaky. Don’t get caught.
• Apologize. I love OneRepublic and all, but I disagree with them. It’s NEVER “too late too ‘pologize”. It realllly isn’t, so do it.

So to summarize: be nice, be sneaky, be thoughtful, notes are good, change works best, good looks save, say your sorry, charm rules all.

Also: despite all that I said above, this meter maid disagrees. But whatever, I stand by my advice.

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